What was going on.. Post IUD update

So, I did have a culture done on 7/25. Results done from the culture showed absolutely nothing. No yeast, no BV, no nothing. My cooter was still on fire however, so that did not help me what so ever. Dr. M prescribed me some nystatin cream, thinking that would help, then told me that I needed to try applying aquaphor as sort of a barrier for my labia. ...so yes, in a sense, my gyno had me use chapstick on my vagina. She said breastfeeding can change things in our body, so maybe I had become allergic to something. She also prescribed me a birth control combination pill called Lo Loestrin FE (dosing = 1mg/10mcg) The nystatin did nothing but make me burn more. The aquaphur did nothing but make me burn more. I use hypoallergenic Tide Free and Clear and No dryer sheets. I got BV once from an allergic reaction to a new laundry soap so I learned this the hard way that I need to use hypoallergenic things in the "down there" regions. I went and bought some Summers Eve hypoallergenic body wash, in case my regular body was irritating me somehow. They called me back with my culture results and decided that they were going to send me to a dermatologist because she had absolutely no idea what was going on with me. So, I started researching because she said "breastfeeding can change things in the body, such as your vaginal ph" so I got to reasearching "breastfeeding causing vaginal problems" and the first thing that popped up was Atrophic Vaginitis (aka Vaginal Atrophy). Atrophic Vaginitis usually occurs in menopausal women and is caused by a decrease in estrogen. This condition also strikes..get ready for it.. BREASTFEEDING WOMEN! I had every single symptom. I mean every single one. I mean right down to the urinary pain and cramping and burning here and there when I peed. To feeling like I had to go..but yet my UTI test came back negative. Atrophic Vaginosis also causes you to burn, itch, and feel dry, sex hurts, can take longer to achieve orgasm, and can cause random cramping. The lack of estrogen can also cause an increase in dah dah dah Yeast infections as well. They said if you are breastfeeding and experiencing these but have no infections, this is probably what you are going through. I definitely was burning and itching. Sex had been uncomfortable for awhile, but we chalked it up to being the IUD and Chris was starting to think I wasn't attracted to him anymore because it was "taking me too long" to finish.. when in fact, I am more attracted to, and more in love with that man every single day.. I was just having some problems. I told him this, and he still felt hurt. So, I read the suggestions on the website links to see what they said may help. Their suggestions were applying a lube like astroglide to the outter regions, if that helped the burning..you probably had AV. I applied astroglide in a desperate attempt to hope that this is what was going on with me. My burning and itching subsided almost completely the entire weekend, I applied the lube 3-4 times a day. I would also soak in a sitz bath of Young Living Essential Oils Lavender. AMAZING feeling, and helps you distress ;) The next suggestion to help Atrophic Vaginitis was to have more regular sex. .... no comment here as this is a constant argument with hubby and I. lol. "How much is regular?" "Uh, not everyday brie..geez" "damn". lol I tried to tell Chris this, and until he heard it from the doc and saw it in writing, he'd never believe me. Finally, the article said if you had drying, soreness during exams (which mine were so painful!), burning externally along with itching (but again no infections), and were having the urinary symptoms, You had moderate/severe AV and needed an estrogen cream to help out. Armed with my findings, I contacted Dr. Mckinnie's office Monday and let them know what I read, what I did, and how well it helped. Doctor Mckinnie agreed that I have Lactational Vaginal Atrophy, due to low estrogen caused by breastfeeding, and has since given me the estrogen cream, Estrace. I will update when I pick it up and begin to try it out.These conditions I believe should be more widely talked about/warned to breastfeeding moms. I was going insane thinking I developed some uncurable condition due to the Mirena, which, the mirena may also have helped cause because it depletes estrogen as well. But I haven't had a return of a yeast infection since I had it removed and finished my treatment, so that alone made it worth it! Oh and no more constant bleeding ;) YAY! SIDE NOTE::I hadn't begun the birth control yet, because I noticed once Mirena was removed, My milk supply went up. I know she gave me a super low dose BCP but I had bad reactions to low dose BCP in the past with a lot of break through bleeding. I just spent the last 8 months bleeding every single day (actually 9, because I was still bleeding postpartum when I had the IUD inserted), I'd like to give my body a break. But anyway, I am super cautious about using this birth control for my milk supply reason as well. I am planning to breastfeed for another 2 months (layla turns one in 2 months and one week) so I think we can handle using protection, charting, and being super upper duper careful. I am not wanting anymore children, but I am definitely giving my body a break for awhile! Once I wean Layla in October, I am probably going to go back on Yaz..as I never really had any issues on that pill :) If for some reason I end up pregnant in the next two months, I swear, I'll have a heart attack. I have 3 semesters left of school..before I take a year off and return hopefully to get my pharmacy technician degree. I would transfer to that now..but no credits transfer and Im not loosing close to 40 credits for that!! No way! So if I do end up pregnant, we are definitely not trying..we are trying to prevent, and therefore, it would be Divine intervention. I'd need intervention if I saw a positive pregnancy test again.. lol. You have no idea! EDIT!!!! EDIT for UPDATE AFTER USING ESTRACE CREAM FOR LACTATIONAL VAGINAL ATROPHY So, My wonderful husband picked up my estrace cream for me on Thursday. It is a small tube, so I used 1 gram full (I don't think I needed the full 4 grams)..which equaled about 1/4 of the applicator. I inserted it and applied some externally and went to bed. The next day, I noticed my urinary symptoms were gone, and I didn't seem to be burning either. No itching. So I didn't use any Friday internally or externally. I also used some externally Saturday and we did the baby dance. I had no pain, no bleeding, no dryness. It felt great. I was of course worried about that though so I had some issues at first, but it was fine once I relaxed. I haven't noticed any effects on my milk supply either, or I would not be continuing usage. I thought at first it had a slight decrease, but that was Layla trying to use my boobs for a teething toy insead. I hope this helps anyone who has had the IUD and had similar issues, especially if you are breastfeeding and the symptoms continue after removal! Ask your doctor, it may not be a complete side effect of the IUD if you are breastfeeding still. For me, the constant anxious, up tight feeling I had with the IUD, the painful crampy feeling during sex, and then the constant spotting/bleeding, and yeast infections were enough for me to be glad I got it removed. The crampy feeling has stopped, the spotting stopped, and since treatment, I haven't had another infection at all since removal. So I do believe it had to do with the IUD, but breastfeeding exaggerated the atrophy as well. Remember, the IUD is a progestin releasing device, which can also deplete estrogen (especially while breastfeeding). You aren't crazy ladies.. anything is possible.

Birth control, post baby..and IUD horror story!

Before I write a post about Layla and I's breastfeeding journey, I am going to write about birth control for the breastfeeding woman. So if you are a man, or anyone I am related to and/or squeamish about birth control/sex, etc. Run now.. I repeat, run now! I personally was terrified of getting pregnant again after giving birth to Layla. I hate condoms. You have no idea. Its like having sex with a balloon over a penis. It makes it feel almost like the penis has no head. lmao. Ok. Anyway, so for a breastfeeding woman, your options at your postpartum appointment aren't that vast (unlike if you were bottle feeding, you could go back to a regular, hormonal combination pill). You pretty much can choose the norplant implant, mini pill, or IUD. The choice is yours. I was terrified of getting pregnant again, so I checked into IUD's, and was excited to see that my insurance covered insertion and cost 100%. Initally, I was going to go with the paraguard IUD, which is the copper IUD that has no hormones. It does tend to make you bleed heavy, but figured 10 years worth of birth control? Had to be worth it! Until Doctor Mckinnie put the kaposh on that. She said with my past medical history of severely painful, double you over cramp filled, heavy periods that the paraguard was a NO for me. She recommended the Mirena IUD...which offered short, light periods, to no periods after the first year, and lasted 5 years and had a less than 1% chance of failure rate. AWESOME! Sign me up! I also looked into the mini pill, but that is not effective if you don't take it at the exact same time every day. No thanks, I'd be pregnant again in a month. I was not ok with any shots, or implants into my arm that will leave scars eventually. I took the Mirena plunge at 6 weeks, 1 day postpartum. I was having irregular bleeding postpartum anyway, I'd stop for a day, and then flood for days during thanksgiving vacation. I got Mirena inserted, and bled for another 6 weeks. Great. I have a blood phobia, I hate blood from anyone and anything.. I don't care if its mine or not. My body still is squeamish about it. So bleeding for 12 weeks was torture. I stopped bleeding in time for my 6 week mirena insertion appointment. However, I had a yeast infection at that time. GREAT. So, Doctor Mckinnie gave me diflucan and said that should take care of it. She said spotting was common in the first 3 months of mirena too, so if I started spotting again, it should go away by the 3rd month. Well, 2 days after that appointment, I started bleeding again..for 2 months, stopped for a day, then got another yeast infection. Called in, got more pills, and then an internal cream. This cycle of bleeding, yeast infection, stop, bleed, spot, bleed, infection continued for months. I told myself after the 3 month mark, to give it to 6 months. At the six month mark of the Mirena insertion, I was still bleeding and spotting and constantly battling a yeast infection. I follow the rules of "no tight clothes, cotton underwear, probiotics, ...." blah blah blah crap to prevent them, but nothing worked. Finally, about 2 weeks ago, I had enough. I had this thing for 7 and a half months and had over 10 yeast infections and was constantly bleeding and spotting. I was sick of it. I have never had so many issues before and figured that the only things different with me were A. I had a baby...9 months ago! and b. the Mirena. I figured that having a baby couldn't be causing this, and the only other thing I was doing differently was the Mirena. I called my new insurance and asked if it was covered for removal, and it was, so I quickly made an appointment for removal. Upon calling my doctors office, they said I definitely needed it out and needed it out now! Fast forward to July 19, 2013. I went for my appointment, and removal was quick and easy and over with before I realized it. NO problem. I did feel it collapse as it was coming out but that was it. I had some cramping afterwords but nothing that couldn't stop me, I didn't have any bleeding either, I did have some spotting sunday but that was nothing compared to what I've been dealing with.. My doctor said I didn't have any funny yeasty looking discharge, and wasn't too irritated looking, but she did do a wet prep swab and came back and said "yep, you're right, yeast!" She prescribed me 6 pills of diflucan, one to be taken that day and then repeat one in 3 days. during those first three days, I was also to use a teraconzole cream internally for 3 days as well. then I would take another diflucan pill once a week for a month. She said that should clear it all up and I should be fine. I took my first diflucan pill Friday, as well as did all 3 evenings of teraconzole, and then sunday took my 3rd diflucan. Tuesday I was itching all over again, and burning as well. I called Wednesday morning and asked if I should give it a few more days or if I should be feeling better. They told me that I should be ok in a few days but if not, to call back and I'd have to go back in and get a culture to identify what is going on and whats causing this trouble. I woke up this morning worse today than I was yesterday. I called them at 8:30 this morning as soon as they opened. The nurse was surprised that I was worse today, but was concerned as well, so she offered me an appointment for about a hour and a half from then, but I couldn't make it. (Its hard to bring Layla anywhere without having made preparation for someone else to come help me out). So she called doctor mckinnie to see if they could do something earlier tomorrow morning, they were able to schedule me an 8:15 appointment, right before doctor has to go into surgery . The nurse said that now Pelvic inflammatory disease is a concern, she said that it could definitely affect fertility if its not caught early enough and she doesn't want to take that chance. I wanted to cry. I know I don't want anymore children, but I know chris does. Even though I don't, I don't want the possibility taken from me either. ALL of these problems because I thought a fucking IUD would be a great choice for birth control. I was freaking crazy! I thought it was my best option and perhaps it was. However, we just didn't get along. I guarantee you, if I have PID or any other complication, I am going to jump on board with the Mirena Lawsuit. I go tomorrow for my culture.. I'll update then.

Layla's Birth Story

Continuing from Pregnancy post. I was due on October 7th, 2012. Well, as what happens in many pregnancies, October 7th came and went. I was still pregnant at my "past due" appointment on October 10th. I was 2cm and 80% at that appointment, and was able to look at the call schedule and picked Sunday October 14th, 2012 for my induction date, as Doctor McKinnie was the OB on call that day. I hadn't had a Braxton hicks contraction in weeks, and hadn't had a real contraction ever. I was tired. Tired of being pregnant. Tired of everyone asking "are you ever going to have that baby?". I was tired of the skiddadled people freaking out when I said I was past due. I was ready to have this baby. I had I knew at that point that Layla's godmother, Jen, and Chris would be there for Layla's birth. I hoped that my mother in law would be there as well, but she said she was planning to come at the end of October. October 13th, My amazing mother in law showed up and was ready to be there for her grand daughters birth! I was so happy! It made me feel good, because my mom will probably never see Layla. We had dinner that evening and I prepared myself for "tomorrow is the day" all evening long. The doctors office called and said I was scheduled for a 4am call slot, which meant, starting at 4am, they could call whenever and tell me when to come in for my induction. Chris knowing that the next six weeks I wouldn't be able to have any sex, caved on his "no more sex til the baby comes" stance at about 10pm, and well...we did the deed. He immediately fell asleep after making sure I was ok at about 10:30. I tried to relax and go to sleep as well, but the fact that I had to pee every few minutes prevented me from being able to. I thought I was getting a UTI, and thought "ggggreeeeaaattt ...just what I need on delivery day!", but I noticed that the pee had an odd smell to it. I passed it off as maybe just being sex and all that joy of finishing up. (Sorry..TMI I know). Well, as Chris continued to saw down the redwood trees and logs with his snoring, I kept peeing. and peeing. and peeing. Finally about 12:50, I noticed that I had to pee AGAIN. I was tired of getting up, so I kinda did a kegel to see if I really had to pee, or if it was just an urge. A minute later, I felt a surge of wetness "down below". "Grrrrreeeaaatttt now I just peed on myself! LOVELY!" I ran to the bathroom to change underwear and shorts in aggrevation. As I reached the toilet and began to undress, a whole flood of fluid gushed out of me and all over the bathroom floor. It smelled weird, and I didn't know what just happened. "did I just pee on myself, for real?" I cleaned it up, peed, and went to grab my phone to call Jen to ask her if my water broke. No one told me what to expect when your water broke, so I was flying blind. It was like 12:53 am October 14th when I called her. She asked me what happened, and if it smelled. I told her yes, it smelled like medicinal and that it just gushed out as I was standing there. She said "YES! YOUR WATER BROKE!! " I was dumbfounded. "Do I need to wake up Chris, or do I have some time?" and shes like "oh no honey, you are in labor, go wake Chris up!! I'll be at the hospital as soon as I can and get a few hours rest."
I hung up the phone and waddled back into my bedroom to wake my sleeping snoring husband. Funny.. just 9 months ago, I was waking him up to tell him I was pregnant. "Babe, hey..I think my water just broke." "WHAT? Are you sure?!" "uh, no..but its either that or I really can't control my bladder anymore. Anythings possible at this point." "Do you want to go to the hospital?" "I think that's the best option..." "I think you just peed on yourself and they are going to send us home and they will make us come back a few hours later for the induction. This sucks. What's that smell?!" "whatever just came out of me" "Ok, well lets get showers and grab our stuff and go" Turk and Kasey were both sleeping, but Kasey flinched and groaned as the lights turned on. Turk, who had been "guardian" of me, followed my every move with anxious shaking. I headed to the bathroom to take a shower when another flood of fluid gushed onto the floor, and again as I got into the shower. GEEZ. How much fluid is in me?! I finished my shower, and threw on PJs and wrapped my hair into a bun and saw Chris had finished his shower and was packing. I sat down to wait as he mumbled about "picking a great time" and "im sure you just peed on yourself". I told him I had three more gushes of fluid come out as I was in the shower. That's when my first contraction hit. The painful, crampy, tightening deep within my stomach. "Ouuuuuuuucccccchhhhhhhh.. HURRY UP!". Chris went to do his hair, floss, brush his teeth, shave, and put shoes on.. by this time, I felt another "urge to go" and headed to our spare bathroom, when I had a huge bowel movement (tmi..again sorry..but this IS a labor story!) and noticed I lost what appeared to be a huge glob of something. I freaked out momentairliy until I realized it was my mucous plug. I was in labor. Another few contractions later, Chris was finally ready. I kissed Kasey goodbye. She didn't even move. Of course, she didn't move much now a days anyway.I told her I loved her and that someone would be by in the morning to feed her. I was going to miss her. Turk had been beside me every step I took, and was ready to follow us outside. We kissed him goodbye. Our living room reeked of amniotic fluid. My contractions were 3 minutes apart as we headed to the hospital at 2am, I thought I was going to die on the half hour ride on the way to the hospital. I worried about Chris, but he seemed to be awake enough, but he had only had about 3 hours of sleep. We got to the hospital at about 2:20, and as I checked in I said "I was scheduled for induction today, but I am pretty sure my water just broke", and I finally got into a room about 20-30 minutes later. By the time I was seen, my contractions were going off the chart, and I was having contractions ever 2 and a half minutes apart.
By 5:30, I was ready for the epidural when they offered it to me. I kept saying "fuuuuuuuccccckkkkk" everytime I got a contraction and everytime I said that, Chris lectured me on how that wasn't very lady like of me to be saying while I was in labor. I resisted the urge to take the computer monitor that was monitoring my contractions and throw it at his head. Then he kept telling me to "breathe". I had to remind him and the nurse that if I wasn't breathing, I wouldn't be alive, so SHUT UP! Lol Both of them.. if looks could kill, they would have dropped dead a thousand times over. The nurse left to check and see if a labor and delivery room was ready yet (as I had been waiting for 2 hours in a triage room ) and then came back to report that if I "wanted the epidural, theres a half hour wait". She offered to give me an IV with narcotics, which would take 20 minutes to kick in. I did the math contractions every 2 minutes now ..half hour wait...15 more contractions? I could wait. The dialation checks were GOSH AWFUL.. they hurt worse than any contraction I experienced!! She said I was 5cm
At 6am, I was moved to a labor and delivery room, I was 6cm dialated at this point, and contractions were 1 min 45 seconds apart to 2 minutes apart. I think if I could have married my anistesiologist at the moment he gave me my epidural, I probably would have. He said as soon as they turned it on it would take 20 minutes to kick in..however, I felt nothing else.
As he finished at about 6:30am, Jen walks into the room to give chris a break and let him go find something to eat, as he was getting low blood sugar shakes. Never have I been so happy to see a friend!! I felt so good from the epidural and lack of sleep, I was giddy. Chris swore I was high. She had me get ready to rest, and then made sure everything was quiet for awhile so I could rest. Apparently, I did fall asleep for awhile, because I woke up to a nurse coming in to tell me her name and that she would be taking care of me. It was only 8am. Doctor Mckinnie was now on call, but in an emergency C-section. They checked my dilation. Progress had slowed and I wasn't having many contractions since the epidural was started, so she said they may have to start Pitocin and left, and we didn't see her for a few hours. They came in to rotate me around 10ish, and the nurse returned and said I was between a 8cm-and 9cm.. and it shouldn't be much longer. She said to call them if I feel any pressure in my bottom, like I have to poop. I couldn't feel anything. My damn legs and asscheeks felt like a rubberized frog. My Mom in law arrived around about this time, and my grandfather said my grandma should be coming soon At about 11:15, Jen was asking how I felt besides having dragon breath and hungry as hell. She asked me if I felt anything. I said no, I just felt pressure on my leg/thigh/pelvic bone. It kinda hurt, but it felt like something was pushing and stretching on it. Jen, thank goodness, decided to go and have the nurse come check me anyway. Just in case. The nurse came in and wasn't even able to check me, Layla's head was right there!!! While another nurse held my legs and mom and Jen held the other ones, the main nurse got layla into position. However, I almost gave birth right then in there because Mom noticed that my foot happened to be on one of the nurses boobs! We all started cracking up laughing, and everytime I laughed, Layla's head emerged some, then retreated. The nurse then ordered me not to laugh and raced to go find doctor Mckinnie ASAP and she said whatever I did, DO NOT PUSH until they got back. At 11:35, Doctor Mckinnie entered with the nurse and did a quick check of things, before telling me it was time to push. At 11:53am, Layla Rose Hargrave was officially introduced into the big wide world at 7lbs 14oz, and 19inches long. And so my journey into motherhood began.

Pregnancy

So my last post was way over a year ago.. like a year and a half ago, but I want to change that! I did find out I was pregnant on Feb. 2, 2012, at like 5am, after trying to hold my pee in all flipping night (which is soooo hard to accomplish when you ARE pregnant..early stages, and late stages!). I was about 5 days late and a period short of a period that I have never missed before since I was 11, so I peed on a stick, and barely had time to cap the thing and put it on the counter for the "3 minute wait" before the two lines showed up. I almost fell off the toilet, stared at the dang thing, cried, said "oh shit, oh shit, oh shit" for probably 5 minutes, before shaking all over, crying, and staring at the counter where the two blue lines lay, staring at me. My whole life was about to change, in 9 months, I would be a mom. I didn't really know what else to do, so I wrapped the test, threw it away, and returned to bed, shaking and crying. I noticed that my fiance' was still sleeping and had his back to me, so I decided to snuggle up next to him and wrap my arms around him. He stirred in his sleep as I whispered "I love you"..not thinking he would hear me. He mumbled what I think was "I love you too". I then kissed his neck and said "you're going to be a dad again". He then says "NO I'M NOT!" and snorts and goes back to sleep. Or tried to. lol. "According to the test I just took, it says you are!" He was asleep. He knew I was late. He was hoping, excitedly that I was pregnant. This was a battle we had had a few times over the 3.5 years we had been together. He wanted a baby, I wanted my wedding ring first. He wanted a baby first. I refused to budge. We finally reached a compromise in December. He had to choose my wedding ring and set a date, and I would set up an appointment for family planning with Dr. Mckinnie. However, it would be an appointment to find out what she thought (ie. were we healthy, what would I need to do to plan for getting pregnant after our wedding, what did I need to do in the mean time, and etc., these were important questions because I had endometriosis and had been on birth control for about 5 years to control it). We set a wedding date for October 11, 2012. He picked out a ring (which we ended up with a completely different set after we picked out that one! lol). I made an appointment with both my primary care doctor, and my gynecologist. I had a successful meeting with my primary doctor, who said I was completely healthy and told me that when I stopped birth control, It would be crazy cycles for the first few months, and then I should monitor myself for a few months so I could track fertile periods, ovulation, and etc, so then Chris and I could begin to plan and chart things out. This was ok. I met with Dr. McKinnie the following month after that for my annual visit. She said all was good, that I probably wouldn't have a period for about 3 months after stopping the pills, and then it would probably be a year before we conceived..which I thought was GREAT! Perfect planning, I'd only have like 1 semester left of school by the time the baby arrived at that point, and surely I could manage that. I was pregnant 3 days later. A positive test when I missed my period (negative when I was 2 days late, positive 5 days late and when my cycle would have ended). I continued to work and go to school throughout my pregnancy. I had horrible morning sickness and often had to run to the bathroom to get sick, but then went right back to work/class. I was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. My boobs were sore, and went from A cup nothings, to D cup va va vrooms! I still managed to qualify for honors and deans list.. how? I'll never know! We also moved up our wedding date from October 11 (which was 5 days passed my due date) to June 2, 2012. I was forced into taking a medical leave at work for refusing to push 80lbs of ice and water across a parking lot, even though this task was "assigned" to me three weeks AFTER I informed my boss of my pregnancy (to which she didn't say congrats, but instead informed me that I was not doing the "right" thing, and my coworker (who was due six weeks after me, but was married) and her granddaughter who were married were doing the right thing.). I also informed her during the second trimester, which I was in, that I could not push, lift, or carry more than 20lbs, as per doctor recommendations. She then told me that if I refused to push 80lbs of ice and water (which the first day she assigned it to me, I was so pissed, I did it but then had to call my OB because I had really bad cramps afterwords) OR MAKE 5 YEAR OLD KIDS PUSH IT, then I "couldn't perform my job duties" and needed to "take a leave of absence or resign". Mind you I watched kids for a living, she had assigned this task to me, AFTER I informed her I couldn't..and there were 2 other capable employees who could push it. However, she said it was "punishment for being on my phone". It wasn't even me on my phone, other than a doctor callback, and about a month prior, my husband had passed out on the side of the road and he had to be sent to the doctor and SHE KNEW about it, she even called me to check on him as well..Both times, she was aware of the fact that my phone was needed and was ok with it. My coworker was on a personal call to her aunt,to complain about her husband, gush over her kids, and her hair, and how her husband needs this and that. I didn't want to rat her out though (and since my boss doesn't supervise us, she wouldn't know anyway).So, luckily, I had enough common sense to go and ask for a copy of my employee file, and saw I had over 200+ hours of sick time and 70+ hours of annual time. I told her I will take the leave of absence, but I would only use my sick pay of 207 hours, and NOT to use my annual time and that I would be off for seven weeks, paid, and would be back on xx date. She was flabbergasted. She called me that afternoon and requested me to write a letter stating I would like to take a medical leave and bring it in. Not being a dummy, I wrote a letter that started out with "After being given the decision to take a leave of absence or resign.." and made sure to include "I wish to only use my 207 hours of sick time I have accumulated for this leave" and that "this leave is NOT medically necessary" to make sure that I covered my rear end. I also had the letter notarized and made copies. I brought this to her the next morning and I swear she about fell on the floor! She got mad, then said "how are you planning to work 7 weeks from now if you will be more pregnant then, than you are now? I don't see how", and took it to our head boss, Mr. C. About 2 hours later, she called me on the phone and said she was willing to work with me and make sure that I was ok for work saying she would work with me if I wanted to return to work that afternoon, especially when I reminded her she was the one who said I couldn't..she decided to proceed to tell me "well, you are like a single parent and everything and you need to work"... EXCUSE ME.. WHAT.THE.FUCK?! I wanted to come through the phone and smash her glasses right into her face. I WAS NOT SINGLE. CHRIS IS NOT GONE. I then informed her I was getting married in 2 weeks, and that does not make me a SINGLE PARENT. Oh, I was mad. Really mad. However, my "really mad" was NOTHING compared to Chris' anger when I told him. I did return to work without incident seven weeks later. And worked up til a week before I was due, Im glad I resigned then because my feet were so swollen by that time, I couldn't feel my toes. June 2nd, 2012 is probably one of the proudest days of my life. I became Mrs. Chris Hargrave.. Ok ok. I became Mrs. Brianne Hargrave. Never have I been so proud to call myself that. July came and we decided on the name Layla Rose. Chris had come home singing "Layla" one evening, and said "that's what we are going to name our baby!" Over my dead body.. He then tried to also pick out her middle name! I was the one waddling, uncomfortable, gassy, heartburny, and constantly hot, hungry, and tired as I made and grew this baby and he wanted to pick out her whole name? OH HELL NO. He did pick out JD's full name, and so I figured I deserved to pick out my daughters name (as our agreement went boy-his choice, girl=my choice). So we bought a baby name book and poured over names. Nothing struck Chris more than Layla. I hated it. It reminded me of pig nosed kids and a stripper. I told him so. Finally I told him that fine, he could name her Layla, but only if her middle name was Rose. If he couldn't agree to that, then he better choose another name. He said "Oh no" to the middle name of Rose, but when given that ultimatum, he agreed. I was ridiculously proud of myself for that one. See, my love affair with the name "Rose" began when I was a young girl. I wanted the middle name of Rose..because I didn't have a middle name. When I talked to my mom in September to tell her about her impending "grandma"hood she laughed and said "how did I know the middle name would be Rose? You always loved that name!" lol. In September, Layla gave us a royal scare. As Dr. Mckinnie was doing a routine heartbeat check, she heard layla's heart skipping beats, and sent me for an emergency ultrasound, and back up to see the Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor, Doctor Hume the following day. Dr. Hume was anxious to tease me about "Mildred" , which is what he called Layla because Chris and I were deadlocked in a name debate at our earlier appointments. I told him we had finally settled on Layla Rose, and he was still intent on calling her "mildred" =)) ewwh. Either way, he found nothing to be wrong with her heart and said the arrithmyia was apart of Layla getting ready for her birth, trying to match her own heartbeats to my body's heartbeat. Odd..but we were relieved she was ok. Dr. Mckinnie swore she would be here before my due date, as I was already 50%effaced at 34 weeks. October 7th came and went, and no baby, no contractions, no Braxton hicks, NOTHING. I was sitting at 1cm dialated and 70% effaced at my October 4th appointment and had been that way for 2 weeks now. At my October 10th appointment, they did a fluid check ultrasound, and I was 2cm dialated and 80% effaced. We scheduled induction for Sunday October 14th, since Dr. Mckinnie was on call that day. Little did I know, I wouldn't need induced.

The change is here!!

February 2nd, 2012,
I was 5 days late and a period short. I decided to test.



Yep a baby! :)

JFK

For Arguement and Persuasion class on tuesday, we had to read president Kennedy's inaugral address. The rhetorical devices in the speech made it an amazing piece to read. The part that struck me the most was in the first paragraph

"We..celebrate freedom, symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning-signifying renewal as well as change" -J.F. Kennedy

In a time of my life where it is looking like things will be changing pretty quickly..(and yes, Chris and I are fine! These are good changes! )I found it to be a pretty amazing quote.
We started this year by me finally getting the new, better camera I've been dreaming about for forever it feels like! the Canon Rebel T3.

I am completely and utterly lost trying to figure it out (not to mention school and work drama havent afforded me time either)
I just recieved my 50mm/1.8 f lens today and shot some pictures with that..pretty exciting..until i realized just how badly Kasey needs groomed. LOL!
Either way, I am in love with this camera. It is amazing.
I also have a pro flickr account now, so hopefully I can improve and post better pictures.

Tomorrow is make it or break it day! :) hopefully I will have something to post then, since i totally forgot to upload the new pics of Turk and Kasey =))

Life is an ever changing road full of choices

As my first semester of college comes to a close next week, I finally have a few minutes to myself to actually sit and reflect what this semester has done for me.

We finally have our own place.. its so nice. Its been quite the adjustment moving out on my own..or in with Chris. It's also been strange to only have 2 dogs. I can not even begin to tell you how nice it is to be able to take them out together..without worrying about the other 7 fighting or a fight breaking out when we return. I miss the other dogs..but I dont at the same time. It's also nice to wait for chris to get home everyday. and wake up together..and go to work at the same times.Its a great thing though, and probably the best decision we've made yet.

I totally killed my math class! I was enrolled in a dual math class, which meant earning two math credits in one semester. Math has always been my nemisis and I kinda worried about that one when i enrolled, but at the same time I was utterly determined to do my best and walk out of there with an A. I did just that. and 6 weeks early too. My math professor was great, also great at making fun of me for being a nerd..but heck..who cares? I got an A..for both credit.

English was much the same.. and my english professor professed..proudly..his love for Lady Gaga. I was totally going to write a poem like "Roses are red, violets are blue, lady gaga is awesome, and so are you!"..to tickle his poetry fancy..but, it turns out a littl imagination and creativity and hard work go a long way with this guy..which is fine by me. I got lots of all three. and I learned alot more.

I also chopped 7 inches of hair and put in highlights..all of which need redone and im thinking of chopping more off..its growing so quick. who knows?

Life is always changing here. But as Chris has shown me, some changes are good.
Others are great
and some,
are even better.

I am really excited for the rest of my academic career..even if i am tired and undecided on my major.
I am also excited for the other changes that time will bring.

Life's a ever changing road full of choices.. but so amazingly wonderful at the same time! It never fails to amaze me on how wonderful God really is for giving me what I have in my life. Family, Friends, and Love,..and so much more. I am truly blessed ..even with all of my past mistake...i mean learning experiences.

I wish I could go on but work and a paper are calling my name.