Life is an ever changing road full of choices

As my first semester of college comes to a close next week, I finally have a few minutes to myself to actually sit and reflect what this semester has done for me.

We finally have our own place.. its so nice. Its been quite the adjustment moving out on my own..or in with Chris. It's also been strange to only have 2 dogs. I can not even begin to tell you how nice it is to be able to take them out together..without worrying about the other 7 fighting or a fight breaking out when we return. I miss the other dogs..but I dont at the same time. It's also nice to wait for chris to get home everyday. and wake up together..and go to work at the same times.Its a great thing though, and probably the best decision we've made yet.

I totally killed my math class! I was enrolled in a dual math class, which meant earning two math credits in one semester. Math has always been my nemisis and I kinda worried about that one when i enrolled, but at the same time I was utterly determined to do my best and walk out of there with an A. I did just that. and 6 weeks early too. My math professor was great, also great at making fun of me for being a nerd..but heck..who cares? I got an A..for both credit.

English was much the same.. and my english professor professed..proudly..his love for Lady Gaga. I was totally going to write a poem like "Roses are red, violets are blue, lady gaga is awesome, and so are you!"..to tickle his poetry fancy..but, it turns out a littl imagination and creativity and hard work go a long way with this guy..which is fine by me. I got lots of all three. and I learned alot more.

I also chopped 7 inches of hair and put in highlights..all of which need redone and im thinking of chopping more off..its growing so quick. who knows?

Life is always changing here. But as Chris has shown me, some changes are good.
Others are great
and some,
are even better.

I am really excited for the rest of my academic career..even if i am tired and undecided on my major.
I am also excited for the other changes that time will bring.

Life's a ever changing road full of choices.. but so amazingly wonderful at the same time! It never fails to amaze me on how wonderful God really is for giving me what I have in my life. Family, Friends, and Love,..and so much more. I am truly blessed ..even with all of my past mistake...i mean learning experiences.

I wish I could go on but work and a paper are calling my name.

"She's a Strong One!"

I had new student orientation a couple of weeks ago, and while doing so, we were all asked to answer a simple question, "What is our reason for coming to school?". Most people didnt answer, others said money or to further their education. I didnt hesitate the moment he pointed at my raised hand, "To be independent, so I wont have to depend on someone else to take care of me, the way my Mother does." The man with the microphone stopped, stunned for a moment, before saying "WOW! Now thats the best reason right there! To be independent and not have to depend on someone else! Thats a girl that doesnt need a man right there!" I laughed then said "No! Hes the one pushing me to go!" :)


Makes me realize how damn lucky I am! To have a man who pushes me to be an independent person, just like I have wanted and that he believes I can do..and wants me to be able to take care of myself if anything happens to him ( GOD FORBID, but life is unpredictable).
I love you baby!
I may be strong, because ive had to be, but it helps to have someone strong standing beside me also.

Mothers Day!

Ordinarily, Mothers day for me gives me a reason to scorn the person who gave birth to me, after all, she gave me up, excommunicated, and disowned me, but 6 years after the fact, I can take the time and realize that my mom probably made a very smart and unselfish decision. She always said it was the hardest thing she had ever done, and i had always questioned this because if it was so hard to do what she did, then why do it? If you regret it so much, why keep up with no communication? Was I really that horrible of a kid that you couldnt keep in contact with me? Mothers day for me for the past 5 years has meant remembering someone who I look alike, remembering she gave me up. Whats so great about that?

But, as i sit thinking about it now, my Mom by giving me up, gave me the most precious gift of all. A chance for a normal life, one where i can follow my dreams, a life where i can experience all the things i had missed out on for 9 years. By sending me away, I was able to attend my own highschool graduation, I was able to have friends, find a job, and fall in love, experience heartache all over again, own a few dogs, and fall in love again. These things are things she knew i would never be able to have if I had been still there with her. Granted, i lost my mom and dad, but I gained back a family, a wonderful man that I am proud to say is mine, a man who pushes me to be independent and to better myself. I gained friends, along with experience with kids. I gained my grandmother, who thank God, is paitent, understanding, and who for 6 years now, has done MORE than her share of grandparenting duties, she took the place of my mom. How often do you get blessed with such a blessing as that? Not very often. THANK YOU GRANDMA, I LOVE YOU!

This year, instead of being angry at my mom, Im thankful. Thankful for her choices, because even if she cant have a normal life, She gave me the chance to experience it still, and while it has been a long crazy and wild ride, I have enjoyed every minute of being able to make my own choices and experience life the way everyone else does. So mom, thank you..and even though it hurts sometimes because we cant talk, do know that I love you and miss you always. I wish you could meet the boys and Im sorry you wont be around to enjoy your grandchildren when I have babies. Grandma will..lol. But still, as a child, I sometimes am still ashamed to say I need or want my mom around...but when the day comes when i do get married, or have your first grandchild, it really sucks to know YOU, my mother, wont be around, and that you made that choice. But again, Im thankful for the choice you made, because without it..I wouldnt have had all the experiences Ive had for the last 6 years..even some you tried to protect me from. But it was fun to learn from. I love you and miss you always...