Im full of ramblings.

I cant ever forget the way you first looked at me. It took my breath away.
Now, I cant remember what looking into your eyes feels like. I havent seen them in so long.
I miss feeling like Im wanted.
Like I mean something.
Like Im actually important.

I know you're hurting. I know you're fustrated about not being able to take care of me, the way you believe I deserve to be taken care of..but love..I never asked you to take care of me. That can come later.
I know the hurt you feel, but I cant help you when you push me away. I know thats how you deal with things. I know you dont think I should put up with it. But, I told you I'd stand beside you, no matter what.
You warned me it was going to be hard for awhile. You warned me you were worse now than you've ever been.
I stayed. We've been in worse places. I've been in worse state of minds, and yet why is this harder than any of those times?
Why? Why does this seem so much harder?
is it because I love you more now than I did before? Because I actually care?
I dont know.

My emotions are frayed. Im beyond being disappointed and pissed at you when you say something and then dont do it.
It just hurts now.
It hurts more than i can describe.
I feel silly for saying that my feelings are hurt. It seems elementary. But its the truth.
You feel bad for what you do.. yet you do it again, and again.
Im sick of it. It will change.
Even Gary has told me what you're doing is wrong.
The way you're handling all of this is wrong.
I have some semi important news to tell you, and I dont feel like you care..so i havent told you.
But I need to.
I cant do this much longer. I cant keep guessing whats on your mind. I cant keep not knowing things. I cant not see you. I cant not talk to you. I cant not love you with all that i can love with..

Maybe its true, i cant live without you, and maybe two is better than one..
remember that.
You know I love you.
You say you Love me. How can you knowingly do this to someone you love?
You know if i was going to walk away...You wouldnt want me to go.
You also know I wont at the same time.

Im giving you time to yourself for the next few days. I love you, but i cant keep getting hurt or disappointed in you anymore, and keep a smiling face about it. I just cant.
its killing me not to get texts..but if you cared you would have text by now.
idk.
i pretty much just wrote this to ramble to myself..